Enjoying a Me Date at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum

It’s honestly sad for me to see so many people who seem like they do not own their own life, even after technically being on their own for years, or even decades.

Many of those same people, if I confronted them on it, would tell me that they do in fact own their own lives. That would more than likely be followed with examples of why this is true. They would list off activities such as having their own car, getting their own lease on a place to live, finding a job and having their own source of income and possibly even listing hobbies they have such as wine tasting, being a foodie, or going to the gym.

I’m not entirely convinced these activities and typical qualifications for being a stable adult have much to do with owning your life.

I think it’s even more true nowdays than earlier that everyone lives to impress. While it may not seem like much, or while it even may seem normal, I think it can degrade the quality of life you lead. It may sneak up on you too, and while it seems you are leading your own life, it can gradually become clear this is not the case.

For the past two years, I have spent a lot of time doing what most would call soul searching. Could be chalked up to hitting that almost 30 point and being not quite a kid, but not feeling like an adult. In my opinion it is kinda like being an adolescent all over again, which we all know wasn’t an emotional high. I started slowly, first working towards the job I wanted, and finally landing the perfect job that I was truly happy with, for me, and not for others. I started becoming involved in activities and being comfortable being single. They were big steps for me.

Still, I was kinda living my life for others in some ways. I was still slightly worried about what people thought of me. I felt like I was obligated to go out several nights a week to social events in order to be validated as a member of society. Sometimes I would honestly feel like I was a walking example of Stuff White People Like because I had to be.  Additionally, there would be things I wouldn’t do that, while they seemed like they were for me, they weren’t; they were just a way of rebelling against society, which is still living for others rather than yourself. I would rebel by going to the gym and eating what I wanted. I would rebel by not dressing up because I wanted to prove a point.

At the time, I didn’t realize this though. In my head these were all things I was doing because I wanted to. Things that were making me live for me.

Lately that’s changed. I don’t feel I need to be friends with everyone and I definitely don’t want to be a contestant in anyone’s popularity contest. If you don’t want to talk to me, I’m perfectly okay with that. If you do, it better be genuine, or I won’t tolerate it for long. I’ve learned that I don’t need to do everything and no matter how much it’s desired by others, I owe myself nights in, even if it’s 1opm on a Friday. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is while everyone may seem your friend, they may not be your friend. Oddly enough, it may surprise you which people in your life are your true friends and genuinely care for you as a person and want to be around you, through good and bad, and not just to gain attention for being a good samaritan.

I still think I may be a walking example of Stuff White People Like, but it’s not because of a need to fit in. It’s because of a genuine change in me and my beliefs. I bought my bike because I truly wanted a different way to get around other than my car, and not because it was a fad. I haven’t had TV for a year due to it not really being of much value to me. I’m not exercising more and eating better because I want to be a skinny bitch or think I’ll have more friends. In fact, I think I may lose some, but I will be a healthier and better person in the end.

Don’t feel you need to have a million friends on facebook that aren’t your friends. Resist the temptation to have to accept every RSVP or respond to all the popular tweets. Spend some time away from social media and don’t be afraid to take a trip by yourself because you want to go, even if no one else does.

Own your life. Do things because you genuinely want to. It’s harder than it looks trust me, because it’s so easy to validate what you are doing. Once you truly own your life though, all those superficial feelings and activities will just go away. It’s not selfish to live for yourself; it’s courageous.