There’s a lot of power in the title of this that is relatively accurate. In the months since I’ve returned from my trip overseas, I’ve began to realize that I’ve become pretty lazy. I’m not constantly worried about keeping my house clean, I let my email stack up for weeks at a time without answering it, I don’t feel inclined to work on a side project or cross items off my to-do list if I’d rather watch a movie or go for a bike ride. To most, this may seem normal. To me, it’s almost a complete 180.
Prior to departure, especially the immediate two months beforehand, I was the goddess of chaos. I always had a million things going on; always had to do lists everywhere that I felt obligated to cross off before I would let myself even take a few hours of sleep that night. I would obsess over the smallest things and want to make sure everything was in order at every minute of every day.
I’m not sure how much anyone else really noticed, but I noticed. I was anal about getting my car in or vacuuming to the point that I would cancel plans when those small tasks could’ve easily waited. I don’t recall if it drove me crazy though. I remember sometimes being stressed out, but I don’t ever remember feeling like I was too overwhelmed or out of control.
Since I’ve been back, I’ve had a much different outlook on life. I’ve learned to let go of things and truly appreciate the things that mean the most in life. The ones that don’t, can be put off. However, this has meant having a lot more me time and not catching up on some things that are important. I forgot to pay a bill on time once, and I still have a trunk from Afghanistan at the foot of my bed that has not been unpacked. I don’t remember the last time I washed my car and I have calls I need to make that I just haven’t made time for.
It’s interesting though. You’d think I’d be carefree; feel happier and less chaotic. However, I feel more out of control of my life because I can’t seem to get on even ground again, no matter how much I try. While I love it, I need to find a nice balance between before and after to make my life less stressful.
It’s also amazing what happens when you open your eyes to situations that truly matter in life and not just ones that matter to you or your circle of friends and family. Life and death situations, the safety of our country and other factors make everything else seem minute and pointless, even paying bills and keeping my house in top shape. Going through an experience like this is something that will change your life forever. While I’m not suggesting everyone sign up to head to Afghanistan, I think similar experiences can come from volunteering for projects that truly impact life. Just be cautious that you still have responsibilities on your plate. That will be what I’m working on the rest of the summer.
