There’s a lot of power in the title of this that is relatively accurate. In the months since I’ve returned from my trip overseas, I’ve began to realize that I’ve become pretty lazy. I’m not constantly worried about keeping my house clean, I let my email stack up for weeks at a time without answering it, I don’t feel inclined to work on a side project or cross items off my to-do list if I’d rather watch a movie or go for a bike ride. To most, this may seem normal. To me, it’s almost a complete 180.

Prior to departure, especially the immediate two months beforehand, I was the goddess of chaos. I always had a million things going on; always had to do lists everywhere that I felt obligated to cross off before I would let myself even take a few hours of sleep that night. I would obsess over the smallest things and want to make sure everything was in order at every minute of every day.

I’m not sure how much anyone else really noticed, but I noticed. I was anal about getting my car in or vacuuming to the point that I would cancel plans when those small tasks could’ve easily waited. I don’t recall if it drove me crazy though. I remember sometimes being stressed out, but I don’t ever remember feeling like I was too overwhelmed or out of control.

Since I’ve been back, I’ve had a much different outlook on life. I’ve learned to let go of things and truly appreciate the things that mean the most in life. The ones that don’t, can be put off. However, this has meant having a lot more me time and not catching up on some things that are important. I forgot to pay a bill on time once, and I still have a trunk from Afghanistan at the foot of my bed that has not been unpacked. I don’t remember the last time I washed my car and I have calls I need to make that I just haven’t made time for.

It’s interesting though. You’d think I’d be carefree; feel happier and less chaotic. However, I feel more out of control of my life because I can’t seem to get on even ground again, no matter how much I try. While I love it, I need to find a nice balance between before and after to make my life less stressful.

It’s also amazing what happens when you open your eyes to situations that truly matter in life and not just ones that matter to you or your circle of friends and family. Life and death situations, the safety of our country and other factors make everything else seem minute and pointless, even paying bills and keeping my house in top shape. Going through an experience like this is something that will change your life forever. While I’m not suggesting everyone sign up to head to Afghanistan, I think similar experiences can come from volunteering for projects that truly impact life. Just be cautious that you still have responsibilities on your plate. That will be what I’m working on the rest of the summer.

My mom is awesome. Let’s just say that right now. She is the care package queen. Ever since I’ve been in grade school, long before I even was the recipient of care packages or that I would be getting them, I knew how awesome she was. She loves finding cute little ways to celebrate the holidays and buy gifts for people that they would enjoy. So it was no surprise when I received not one box for Christmas but two yesterday afternoon.

I received some presents including a magazine to read, some Christmas cards (in case I wanted to give some out), the candy/baked good item my dad makes every year (a family recipe) and my favorite photo of my family on the big oak tree that had to be taken down in their yard in a gorgeous frame.

It was so nice to have that piece of Christmas here and we were elated to start decorating. It is officially the time to bring out the Christmas song playlist in iTunes.

We spent last night with the lights on and the angel glowing and just happy that we have some small reminder of the holiday season. When every day goes by the same as the one before, and you start to lose track of the meaning, little things matter so much.

Here are some more photos:

So I have two side projects while I’m here. These are things that will help me pass the time (well, when I have time to spare) and also help me out in the long run.

One of them is learning a new language, to which I’ve slowly (and yes, I admit I’ve been procrastinating a bit) been learning Dari/Farsi. I have a phrase book I’ve started to read and in learning and picking up things here I’ve been able to to learn the basic phrase, “My name is Tonia.” Learning a new language is not in my 30 before 30, but I figure hey, if I replace one because there was something I couldn’t do here, it’s still a good skill to have in my basket and a great thing to add to my list.

The next one is part of my 30 before 30 in regards to getting in as good of shape as I was in college. I’ve started this crusade since I’ve been here slowly, and today decided to name it Operation Sexy Bitch (#SexyBitchOps).

This has included going to the gym at least 5 days a week for 45 minutes of exercise every time, doing the ab workout with my tent-mates 3 days a week, and trying to watch what I eat as much as I can here, although there isn’t much to cut back on and there aren’t many choices.

As of a couple weeks ago, I cut back almost completely on anything other than water. Occasionally I’ll add crystal light to it and one day last week I craved a strawberry fanta. I also have ice cream on a rare occasion. However, for the most part, I am trying to eat better as well as possible.

I’ve felt a little defeated up until this past week and actually felt like I was gaining weight. However, the past week or so it’s been noticed by others that are around me a lot that I’m looking pretty good and that my figure is showing more.  I haven’t weighed myself yet, but I’m pretty happy with the new found energy I have again and that people are noticing.

The big highlight was being able to run a mile out of the two I did on the treadmill today. I couldn’t tell you the last time I was able to do that.  It felt so nice and after I was done and cooled off I had an insane amount of energy again, as if I could do it twice.

Hopefully things will continue as well as they are doing now and maybe in a few weeks or so I’ll have a picture with an update when I take one I like. Who knows, maybe @TheWinterHat will be in it too

Anyone else that wants to take part in #SexyBitchOps, let me know. This is a team effort!

I will be taking a leave of absence from my blog while I am away on business. I love you all and hopefully you will not be bored without.

Something epic happened yesterday that really made me think. It was that same time last year that I hopped off a plane at Sky Harbor with three suitcases and a new home as I made my way to my development to sign on my home, and officially start my new life in the valley. It was exactly one year from my arrival in Phoenix that I was running around ensuring the conference went as planned for Phoenix Design Week. What better way to celebrate my PhoenixVersary than my involvement with an epic first for Phoenix.

It was one year ago today that I wrote my first post on Grace.Balance.Courage and this blog has been telling the tales of my adventures here ever since.

I had a good feeling when I moved here. I needed to get away from all the negativity and drama that kept appearing in other places I had lived. I needed to start over. Only I didn’t know that when I moved here. My initial purpose for transplanting myself in Phoenix was due to accepting a position here. The automotive industry wasn’t stable enough for me to be comfortable and I happened to get an amazing vibe from my interview at the Foundry. I knew two people here when I landed on October 24th, 2008.

Soon I began to realize how much I needed Phoenix. The creativity and collaborative nature here is overwhelming. I love the small think tanks, the ideas that are born out of them, and how no one is afraid to ask for help, or to start something new and unconventional. Even more amazing is how others aren’t afraid to try something new and unconventional, even when the instigator is someone they have never met, a lowly gal who wanted to root herself in the area, and hoped others would join her wacky initiatives.

I am amazed that I have only been here a year after looking at all I’ve done since I’ve been here and at the same time it also feels like I’ve just began my journey here.

I want to thank the valley for adopting me and allowing me to take an active part in the community. Thank you for helping me in more ways than you could imagine. Thank you for accepting me for who I am, a geek with a love for hot pink and football. I have never felt so sure of anywhere I’ve lived, and nowhere has felt like home more than the valley does.

Phoenix has given me balance in my life, the courage to do things I never thought I’d attempt, and allowed me to do it all with grace.

For the past 6 weeks, I’ve been trying to figure out what works as far as helping me lose weight and what doesn’t food wise, amount wise, and timing wise. I’ve been doing fairly well, considering all the road blocks that have been thrown in my way during this process. Seems that nothing ever comes easily for me. I always have to work for what I want.

My progress has been slow. It was suggested that I switch my carbs from fruits and veggies to just veggies. I can typically do this for my main meals. I absolutely love steamed vegetables. However, when I’m at work or out and about and need those snacks I can eat on the go, I can’t have steamed veggies. I’ve been trying to eat raw broccoli, peppers, and other things for a week or so now and I just can’t do it. I love vegetables, but the only ones I like raw are pickles and carrots. Broccoli is one of my favorites but I cannot eat it raw. It tastes like paper to me.

I have to have my fruit. Then I realized I was starting to fall into that trap I don’t want to fall into and told myself I never would. There definitely is something to be said for eating healthy and being conscious of what you are having. However, I’ve never been one of those diet people as far as saying I will never have a piece of bread or a cup of ice cream again. I can’t do it. Every once in awhile I want it. Every once in awhile I think it’s okay. I think it should be okay to go out to an amazing dinner and just consciously watch the portions and types of food you are having. And related to that, I have to have my fruit. I love grapes and pineapple and grapefruit and cherries and nectarines. I am just going to have to try something that works taking those into consideration or deal with the fact that it will happen more slowly. I’ve learned to be okay with that.

August is usually a busy month for me, being it’s my birthday. This past August was really busy with other events I had organized or that I had promised to attend, vacation, as well as preparing for other work related stuff that is approaching. The last week in August was the week after my birthday and I pledged to only go out a couple hours on Friday and spend the rest of the weekend in a desperate attempt to get caught up as much as I could on blog posts, bills, house chores, errands, and sleep. I ended up getting everything accomplished but sleep.

I then went into this past week knowing I had mornings filled with meetings and other appointments and afternoons filled with training til 5, which would then make my nights hectic trying to go to the gym, get work done afterward, and be in bed before midnight. It only made me look forward to the upcoming three day weekend in which I would only relax. Pajamas, the gym, movies, sleep. Lots of sleep. Everything I predicted was correct. The week was slammed, I worked on maybe 12 hours of sleep total for the week and was ready for the weekend. Until I learned that I had an insanely busy week at work the week after too. This weekend has now been the same as last. Cramming to get stuff done.. bills paid, work done, house cleaning, and luckily I’ve been able to get *some* sleep.

Some might call me a workaholic. Trust me though. It’s not all work work. In fact most of the stuff in the evenings was non-work related. Projects I’ve started on my own or volunteered to help on, and making sure I got my ass to the gym every day. It can get exhausting at times, but in a way I am really starting to grow used to the beautifully chaotic lifestyle that I am going to be having over the next 8 months.

I think in some ways it makes me feel wanted and it keeps me from sitting in my house all day certainly. Additionally, everything I’ve been filling my days to the brim with lately has had a purpose and a reason. They’ve been projects and other things I am passionate about. And because they are all items I am excited about, it hardly seems like work at all. I do notice the lack of sleep but I always manage to squeeze enough in to be Miss Happy Sunshine by the time I arrive at work the next morning.

Chaos is an interesting thing. Sometimes it can destroy your life. Sometimes it can overcome you. Sometimes it can feel unbalanced. At the same time though, chaos can be very balanced. On some occasions, it may make life’s outcomes a little more uncertain, but then it always feels like a miracle, and you feel courageous, when everything turns out well in the end.

A couple times in the past few days I’ve heard the infamous phrase said to me as I was meeting someone in person for the first time.

“I know you by reputation of course.”

I’m sure the first reaction for most people is to be flattered. Someone knows you that you haven’t had any regular or in depth contact with. They recognize you. It can get to you. Soon you will think you’re entitled to an entourage, unofficial fan sites, and a reality show.

It was different for me. I actually became a little subconscious by it.

Reputation? If someone knows me by reputation, that means I have a reputation.

Wait? WTF? I have a reputation? What is it? What does the general public think of me? How do they perceive me?

While I’m definitely not one of those people that is focused on blending in and on what others think (If that were the case, I’m not sure I’d have an avatar with balloons and rainbows and be such a weirdo.), I am a human sciences geek by trade. I absolutely love people and how they think and how they perceive things. I oftentimes find myself doing impromptu social experiences on complete strangers or even those I know without even realizing it.

In the end I am curious, I would love to know how people perceive me and if I have a general positive or negative reputation. I’m kinda humbled to think I’d even have such a thing. What I would hope for, is that it’s in line with how I perceive myself and how I think I protray my personality. I’ve never been a fan of people with multiple personalities, and I think that having your work and your home face or your online and in person attitudes is just ridiculous and cheap.

What are your opinions on reputations? What does it mean when you tell someone you know them by reputation? Is it typically a positive light? Negative? Both?

The tortoise was slow.
The hare was fast.
The tortoise came in first.
The hare came last.

Our first weigh in for #fatoff was yesterday evening. I knew it wouldn’t be pretty going into it. That only made me more focused to come out ahead in the end though. I admit they aren’t good excuses, but having my birthday and vacation lined up right at the beginning did not give me a great head start. I was down .2 lbs early in the afternoon yesterday. Then the new diet happened. Jason put me on a different eating plan and I ate so much food between afternoon and evening that I showed a weight gain.

I’m the only one not to lose any the first set but this is not going to stop me. In fact it’s that kinda come from behind that usually helps me come out ahead in the end. While the money would be nice, I really just want to come out ahead for myself. I want to be able to keep up with the boys when I’m gone and then some. I want to be able to do pull ups again which I haven’t been able to do in ages.

Tonight I tested my will power greatly. I’ve learned that while most of the time I am stubborn, when it comes to needing to push myself to do something, my stubbornness turns into will power. I had previously made arrangements to go to a Yelp event with a friend today for dinner. I stuck to my commitment, well, I stuck to both of them. I went and enjoyed three amazing glasses of water. I gave my drink tickets to Andrew, who invited me. I passed on all the delicious food that filled the place, and I rejected all temptation to try anything. This was hard. It was a place I’ve been wanting to visit forever. When I came home, I discovered I was down a little over a pound from last night. Score!

I think this is going to turn out fantastic and I am so grateful for all of those that are helping. Thank you to James Archer for getting all this started. Thank you to Jason and Competitive Fit for pushing me and really helping me achieve what I am looking for. Thank you to all my friends today that understood that I needed to kick in my will power and not have dinner out with them. Thank you to my friends and fellow contestants that are supporting me constantly. Please push me. I need it! And I can handle it!

Please Note: I decided it would be redundant to review establishments twice, so links are available to my Yelp reviews of the places I visited during my visit.

A couple weeks ago I departed for what would be my first complete vacation in almost 3 or 4 years. It’s been so long I’ve completely lost track. It was also the first vacation where I solely focused on myself. Not in a selfish way, in an “it’s about damn time you did something for yourself way.” Two things led me to taking a well deserved week long vacation:

1. Upcoming events
2. I felt I started getting really snarky to people, which doesn’t happen very often. I wasn’t the happy go lucky gal I’ve always been.

A dent got thrown in my plans due to my brother getting the job he was hoping for. However, it only ended up making my vacation spectacular in a different way. When I arrived Thursday, I decided to stay in San Fran and occupy myself for the day until I met up with my friend Eric in the evening. This also helped me learn the rule that will be important in upcoming trips of packing light. Carrying two carry-ons with me, I looked like a tourist wherever I went.

Arriving around noon, I took the BART and decided to exit at the Civic Center stop in order to hunt down a place to recharge both myself and my cell phone and laptop. My GPS on my phone kept failing me and I wanted to be impromptu and skip yelp recommendations. Eventually I wandered into Celtic Coffee, which by its decor looked like it had great charm! However, it was not all I expected it to be.

Afterwards, I wandered to Alamo Square Park for an afternoon of relaxing with a slightly touristy twist. I trekked what seemed like 6 miles uphill, but I think was only 2, with my two carry-ons for what seemed like forever. The shops along the way were gorgeous. The park was beautiful. I sat beside a fountain, facing Painted Lady Row and plopped down on the grass in the beautiful weather and got out a book to read. All was well until the Full House crazies arrived. Now, I admit, my secret love of the sitcom was one of my reasons for trekking there (that and it was a mile or so away from my final destination). However, I was well aware that the painted lady houses near the park and the park itself were merely scenes from the credits. Soon everyone around me was playing the clip on you tube and discussing in groups this theory of which house it was and why. I was glad that I was headed on my way to meet up with Erik.

Erik took me on a tour of his company, kink.com, which is housed in the amazingly gorgeous San Francisco Armory. I got to meet his coworkers and tour the facilities. I also spent time discussing how the role of interaction design is used within their business. After some fantastic smart people talk and a delightful tour, we headed to Lingba for some dinner, where we also met up with my brother. It was fantastic. Especially the metal straw/spoon contraption that Erik got with his drink.

After dinner my brother took me to browse around Fisherman’s Wharf while we waited to meet up with his girlfriend and head to Santa Rosa. I got to hear the sea otters acting all crazy loud and being ridiculous and walk around in peace and quiet. I saw a left handed store and asked my brother if he minded walking in. As I walked in, I remembered it was International Left Handed Day. The store was about to close so I browsed quickly. However, upon learning that I was left handed, I was allowed to pick any shirt I wanted in the store. I chose one that said “Obama is a Lefty.” I also received a free key chain and a post card. Left handed FTW! Soon we met up with Alex and trekked back to Santa Rosa.

The second day I relaxed for the most part, but did visit a horrible tea and coffee shop I do not think I will ever return back to, Bungalow Coffee & Tea House. That evening I headed to an outdoor barbecue for the congresswoman that Alex works for.  Upon returning, no one was tired and off to bowling we went. It was the most interesting bowling ever considering that it was glow bowling but with the lights on. Hmm.

The next thing I know it was the weekend and boy did I have a busy weekend planned as well as the trips and adventures Billy and Alex wanted to take me on.  Saturday morning we had a lazy slow start as we wandered the farmer’s market. It was a beautiful day and there was some amazing food there. I had fish tacos for breakfast and a bottle of Coke from Mexico, which, you can also get here in Phoenix, but it was nice to have on vacation as well. Afterwards we trekked to San Francisco, where I was meeting up with the IxDA board of directors to discuss the local group initiative. It was great to get to see everyone, considering I will be missing Interaction 10 this year. After a chat, we headed to PariSoMa for an IxDA SF / board mixer and discussion. I appreciate my brother and the rest of my entourage for sticking it out! What followed was an amazing dinner at Sauce where I was sad to go, but it was late and we needed to head back home.

Sunday was filled with a lazy breakfast and then off to some car shopping for my brother. In the afternoon we headed to see Napa Valley, which I was ecstatic about doing. I was able to visit several wineries, including one that looked like a castle and stroll around Calistoga. We finished off with a late lunch at Pizzeria Tra Vigne and were so stuffed we couldn’t do any more wine tasting. Our weekend was spent and we were tired. Home we went.

Monday was another fun filled day. I had coffee and breakfast made for me in the morning while I laid around and read a book and did some non work work. I then headed to the Charles Schulz museum in the afternoon. Later in the evening, Billy and Alex took me to see the redwoods and up along the coast. We stopped at Lucas Wharf for dinner and then drove along the coast home and crashed early.

Tuesday was my last full say of vacation and I decided to make the best of it. I got up early, had breakfast, lounged, and looked for a spa in Calistoga. In the early afternoon I headed to Lincoln Avenue Spa for three hours of relaxation. I got a body masque, facial, and hot stone massage. Mmmm. Pure bliss. Followed was a quick lunch at Checkers and then stopping by the appropriately named Bad Ass Coffee to try a bad ass mocha. The day ended with my brother making me his amazing Korean BBQ. However, we were both full from snacking in between that we barely had 10 bites.

It was sad to leave, but I was ready to come home and start my birthday festivities. More photos are available on my flickr album.