Enjoying a Me Date at the Boyce Thompson Arboretum

It’s honestly sad for me to see so many people who seem like they do not own their own life, even after technically being on their own for years, or even decades.

Many of those same people, if I confronted them on it, would tell me that they do in fact own their own lives. That would more than likely be followed with examples of why this is true. They would list off activities such as having their own car, getting their own lease on a place to live, finding a job and having their own source of income and possibly even listing hobbies they have such as wine tasting, being a foodie, or going to the gym.

I’m not entirely convinced these activities and typical qualifications for being a stable adult have much to do with owning your life.

I think it’s even more true nowdays than earlier that everyone lives to impress. While it may not seem like much, or while it even may seem normal, I think it can degrade the quality of life you lead. It may sneak up on you too, and while it seems you are leading your own life, it can gradually become clear this is not the case.

For the past two years, I have spent a lot of time doing what most would call soul searching. Could be chalked up to hitting that almost 30 point and being not quite a kid, but not feeling like an adult. In my opinion it is kinda like being an adolescent all over again, which we all know wasn’t an emotional high. I started slowly, first working towards the job I wanted, and finally landing the perfect job that I was truly happy with, for me, and not for others. I started becoming involved in activities and being comfortable being single. They were big steps for me.

Still, I was kinda living my life for others in some ways. I was still slightly worried about what people thought of me. I felt like I was obligated to go out several nights a week to social events in order to be validated as a member of society. Sometimes I would honestly feel like I was a walking example of Stuff White People Like because I had to be.  Additionally, there would be things I wouldn’t do that, while they seemed like they were for me, they weren’t; they were just a way of rebelling against society, which is still living for others rather than yourself. I would rebel by going to the gym and eating what I wanted. I would rebel by not dressing up because I wanted to prove a point.

At the time, I didn’t realize this though. In my head these were all things I was doing because I wanted to. Things that were making me live for me.

Lately that’s changed. I don’t feel I need to be friends with everyone and I definitely don’t want to be a contestant in anyone’s popularity contest. If you don’t want to talk to me, I’m perfectly okay with that. If you do, it better be genuine, or I won’t tolerate it for long. I’ve learned that I don’t need to do everything and no matter how much it’s desired by others, I owe myself nights in, even if it’s 1opm on a Friday. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is while everyone may seem your friend, they may not be your friend. Oddly enough, it may surprise you which people in your life are your true friends and genuinely care for you as a person and want to be around you, through good and bad, and not just to gain attention for being a good samaritan.

I still think I may be a walking example of Stuff White People Like, but it’s not because of a need to fit in. It’s because of a genuine change in me and my beliefs. I bought my bike because I truly wanted a different way to get around other than my car, and not because it was a fad. I haven’t had TV for a year due to it not really being of much value to me. I’m not exercising more and eating better because I want to be a skinny bitch or think I’ll have more friends. In fact, I think I may lose some, but I will be a healthier and better person in the end.

Don’t feel you need to have a million friends on facebook that aren’t your friends. Resist the temptation to have to accept every RSVP or respond to all the popular tweets. Spend some time away from social media and don’t be afraid to take a trip by yourself because you want to go, even if no one else does.

Own your life. Do things because you genuinely want to. It’s harder than it looks trust me, because it’s so easy to validate what you are doing. Once you truly own your life though, all those superficial feelings and activities will just go away. It’s not selfish to live for yourself; it’s courageous.

August is usually a busy month for me, being it’s my birthday. This past August was really busy with other events I had organized or that I had promised to attend, vacation, as well as preparing for other work related stuff that is approaching. The last week in August was the week after my birthday and I pledged to only go out a couple hours on Friday and spend the rest of the weekend in a desperate attempt to get caught up as much as I could on blog posts, bills, house chores, errands, and sleep. I ended up getting everything accomplished but sleep.

I then went into this past week knowing I had mornings filled with meetings and other appointments and afternoons filled with training til 5, which would then make my nights hectic trying to go to the gym, get work done afterward, and be in bed before midnight. It only made me look forward to the upcoming three day weekend in which I would only relax. Pajamas, the gym, movies, sleep. Lots of sleep. Everything I predicted was correct. The week was slammed, I worked on maybe 12 hours of sleep total for the week and was ready for the weekend. Until I learned that I had an insanely busy week at work the week after too. This weekend has now been the same as last. Cramming to get stuff done.. bills paid, work done, house cleaning, and luckily I’ve been able to get *some* sleep.

Some might call me a workaholic. Trust me though. It’s not all work work. In fact most of the stuff in the evenings was non-work related. Projects I’ve started on my own or volunteered to help on, and making sure I got my ass to the gym every day. It can get exhausting at times, but in a way I am really starting to grow used to the beautifully chaotic lifestyle that I am going to be having over the next 8 months.

I think in some ways it makes me feel wanted and it keeps me from sitting in my house all day certainly. Additionally, everything I’ve been filling my days to the brim with lately has had a purpose and a reason. They’ve been projects and other things I am passionate about. And because they are all items I am excited about, it hardly seems like work at all. I do notice the lack of sleep but I always manage to squeeze enough in to be Miss Happy Sunshine by the time I arrive at work the next morning.

Chaos is an interesting thing. Sometimes it can destroy your life. Sometimes it can overcome you. Sometimes it can feel unbalanced. At the same time though, chaos can be very balanced. On some occasions, it may make life’s outcomes a little more uncertain, but then it always feels like a miracle, and you feel courageous, when everything turns out well in the end.

I write the following entry in my UX blog today, and thought it appropriate to repost here.
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Anyone in the UX/IA/IxD (whatever you want to call it) field knows that personas are one of the most vital elements of building a lasting and painless user interface. I like to think of personas as the socially acceptable form of stereotyping. Personas allow not only the identification of target markets, but dig deeper into what makes that user type tick, what frustrates them, and what their main goal is.

While personas play a valuable role in user interface design, why should they be limited to user interfaces as we typically think of them? After all the main idea is to create a profile of a person that will ultimately aid in a better understanding of the user and how to help them.

Wanting to figure out the best path for yourself and how to make the most out of your life? Trying to make sense of a situation within your social or family life? Want to know why you and another person are not compatible? Why don’t you give personas a try? After all, it’s the ultimate way of truly understanding a person or perseons, what they want out of life, and where the common ground is.

If you were a persona, what would it say about your challenges, goals and what you are trying to accomplish and do within your daily life?

Go ahead, personify yourself. I dare you! Or better yet, challenge someone else to turn you into a persona as well. You may see some differences between how you see yourself an dhow others see you.