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Deployment sucks when you are single and are past that age where you want your parents taking care of your life and crap. Honestly. You have no idea until you go through it, which is what I’ve spent the last 6-7 months of my life doing and probably have a few more months of recovery left. It’s similar to moving and taking a 6 month vacation on a remote island all at the same time. Imagining that may seem nice – relaxing and exciting all at the same time. I assure you though, there are many trials and tribulations most do not think of. I now have a huge appreciation for those in the military that do this alone. Here’s why:
Bills:: There are countless items that need to be checked off a list before you go such as ensuring anything that may need to be paid while you are gone is covered either in the form of prepayment or automatic deductions. This includes things you may not really think of all the time, such as renewing the registration on your car, or the web hosting you completely forget about. This also includes making sure that companies are aware of your absence and, in the case of utilities (if you’re keeping a place in the states while you are gone), that there is another person on the account that can put in support requests and other items as needed. Remember to also either cancel your cell phone or put it on hold.
Housing:: While you are gone, there will probably be maintenance and upkeep to your residence, even if it’s leased. Someone you trust should be asked to check on your house periodically. They should flush the toilets occasionally and check to ensure your house is at a reasonable temperature (too hot is not as bad as too cold.. especially if you live in the eastern or northern part of the states to make sure your pipes do not freeze). Your HOA or leasing office should be aware that you will be gone to ensure that your house is monitored and to know who has permission to enter and put in work requests. If you have a lawn or other items needing maintenance, this also should be covered in advance. Other items that will help save while you are gone include unplugging everything you can (especially fridge and major appliances) and turning off your water heater. You don’t need these while you are gone.
Mail:: Mail sucks ass, which I didn’t truly realize until a few days ago. Deployments are usually too long to have your mail held, and therefore you need to have it rerouted somewhere. Not really wanting anyone to have my mail, I decided to have mine sent to me while I was gone. This worked fine for two of the four months I was in Afghanistan. Then the post office randomly decided that all mail that was supposed to be forwarded, would instead be returned to the sender for an invalid address. I actually had a bad address fee charged by my bank account for them getting several returned statements. Note to self: even if you have paperless statements set up, mail still comes to you. Lord only knows how many people got returned mail and how many companies now have my address on alert. I know for a fact the benefits section of my employer had an alert on my account that they had a bad address for me. Oy.
Medical:: Preparation takes up a lot of time. I guess this happens despite being single or not, but it’s still hard. Lots of physicals, blood work, tests, and certifications to take. For those that are close to me, you know this well filled up the three weeks prior to my departure… almost every. single. day. I still have my damn smallpox scar.
Legal Matters:: Who is responsible for your estate if anything happens to you? Who’s responsible for you and decisions that need to be made if you can’t? I don’t care how old you are, if you are leaving for an extended period of time, especially on deployment to a war zone, you should probably have some legal documents drafted. This is something I never would’ve thought of if I hadn’t been deploying.
Post-Deployment Re-Situating:: This is the worst!!!! The picture at the top of this post shows how my room’s pretty much looked ever since I have arrived home. It took me weeks to catch up on laundry (including putting it away). I am still working on cleaning my house and figuring out what I’m keeping and storing and getting rid of as far as items I had before I left as well as things I had shipped back from while I was there. It’s really like moving all over again. I had to restock my fridge. I had to cancel any automatic payments on utilities and bills I didn’t want and let people know I had returned home. I had to find things I “hid” while I was gone such as my mailbox key. Additionally, in the chaos of cleaning my place, I happened to lose my gym key as of yesterday. I have tons of emails I haven’t caught up on because of all the chaos surrounding my life right now. There are social/professional outside of work activities I feel terrible about not having time for yet. Taxes I still have to do… countless items I need to catch up on yet still want to have somewhat of a social life with my friends as well as have my me time and exercise time. I think it will easily take me another three months to get fully back into the swing of things.
So, in the end, it’s pretty brutal if you are doing this by yourself. There are many companies that give benefits to spouses of employees for various things. I am starting to think the military and military contracting companies need to give benefits for single people that deploy in the form of additional paid vacation time so they have substantial time to catch back up on their lives. I love my alone time, and I definitely have those nights I want to stay in, but sometimes it’s really hard to explain to your friends that haven’t been through it, why it’s taking so long to get caught back up again.
Sometimes I’m not surprised why I don’t have a boyfriend, let alone a husband. I can see how I might seem demanding to some.
In the end I really just don’t want an asshat and I’m not sure why that’s such a bit deal.
However now we can add something else to my list. I think though rather than this being an addition, this is something that displays all the qualities if someone I’m looking for. A guy that’s a little pretentious but not an asshat. Someone that I can enjoy a PBR with one minute and a great wine the next. A guy that will watch football with me. Someone that’s not afraid to learn and try new things. Someone that’s not afraid of my independence. A guy that’s not bothered that I’m smart and I have a career.
And the best of all… a guy that’s not afraid to dance. Not even in this situation. Know a single man like this in Phoenix? Send him my way
While this might not be a new philosophy, it’s one that has come out and punched me in the face lately.
It’s pretty easy to figure out and shouldn’t take that much explaining.
While it would be nice to be dating, it’s not the first thing I think of every day when I wake up. However, I do get reminders from my friends and acquaintances that I am not dating as well as teasing remarks when I am headed out with one of my good guy friends.
Additionally, I haven’t exactly had the best dating record. At all. Not really sure I trust myself to even find anyone at this point.
It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s just that it’s not on the top of my list.
So, instead of constantly asking me why I’m not dating anyone and/or assuming all my guy friends are guys I am dating, I am giving everyone a challenge:
Set me up.
My friends should know me as well, if not better, than myself.
Ready. Set. Go.
The end.
Yep. That should get some attention.
I’ve realized lately that I am beginning to enjoy cooking a bit. I used to despise it and much preferred baking only. Alas, I don’t like going out all the time and have not found a chef to work for free yet, so I have been forced into cooking slavery. Good thing is I don’t really mind it.
What bothers me about it though is cooking for myself. This is not nearly as fun as cooking a dinner to eat with others. For the most part, I am not a roommate person, so there are nights when I tend to eat alone.
This needs to stop, and I know there are others that end up in this situation too.
Therefore, I think we should have dinner parties. At least twice a month have a few people gather and have dinner and some amazing dessert. The host could cook and the others could bring some dessert or wine. The dinner could be rotated every time.
Who’s in for this? I am so game and want to start now!! I have some great recipes up my sleeves! Could even make use of my pool/hot tub area when I cook!!
I made my weekly run to the grocery store yesterday. I go at the beginning of every week because I try to get almost everything fresh and buying for a few weeks at a time isn’t feasible when cooking for one. As I was trucking everything in from my garage inside and upstairs to my kitchen, I got a little kick out of the fact that I was able to carry 9 bags of groceries up the stairs in one shot. I realized it was a skill I learned after from living alone. Hated making multiple trips to my car so I mastered grocery bag carrying 101.
It made me start to think that there must be other talents I have acquired simply due to the fact that I live alone. It was a moment of zen as I then giggled at the fact that married/dating people probably haven’t mastered these talents. I have complied the list I could think of off the top of my head below. What is your list?
Is there anything I missed?
In Novmeber, I posted an entry about everyone here assuming I’m married. So I guess it shouldn’t surprise me now that I am getting an influx of people asking me why I’m single. Sometimes it’s in an accusatory way and sometimes just an extremely surprising way.
I get the feeling some think it’s embarrassing to be in your 20s and be single. I don’t necessarily agree. Being married isn’t the only meaningful accomplishment in someone’s life. I also am very dead set against divorce. I’ll make damn sure whomever I am involved with is someone I can see myself being with past a few months. It did make me start to think about why I am single though, and I have come up with a few ideas.
1) Moving:This is a recent reason. In the past two years I have lived in four states. What can I say, part of it is circumstance and part of it is getting bored with where I currently was. I was in a serious relationship before my move to Arizona. However, I didn’t think we were at the point that I was comfortable with him moving 2000 miles with me. However, I think that I am now somewhere that I can see myself staying for awhile. Hopefully this will no longer be an issue.
2) Career: I have been very career focused since undergrad, but even more so since graduate school. I have always planned on having a career, and a career I enjoy. The slight downfall is that HCD is still a little hard to find jobs in, and so I am limited a little bit to most major cities. Not sure I could ever be a happy housewife the rest of my life. I love my career and I love the challenges and success I have at work every day.
3) Children: The past two times I have been in a serious relationship, the other half always got upset when it came time for the “how many children do you want to have” talk. Oddly enough they are the ones that want all these kids. As for me, it’s not the number of children, but the fact that I don’t want to have children. I have had my mind set on adopting ever since I started thinking about children. I never really thought that would be an issue with guys, but apparently it is.
4) Independent: I’m a very independent person and while I love being with my friends and family, I also enjoy (and need) my own time. I have to have my space and I am very comfortable with who I am as an individual and will not let that go. Sometimes I will want to do my own thing. Sometimes I will want a girls night, and there may be times I just want to hang with my guy friends. I need a guy secure enough to handle that.
5) Type Mismatch: Other than that, I think it comes down to just not finding the right type of guy at the right time. Does this mean I’m picky? It’s quite possible, but I also think I have that right. Maybe I expect more than the typical date too. I appreciate people that put effort into relationships, this holds true for my friends as well. Sometimes I think guys only want girly girls and while I absolutely love dressing up, adore the color pink and anything that sparkles, I am not a ditz and I also love football, beer, going to sporting events and kicking everyone’s ass in Mortal Kombat.
So there, I’m single and I don’t really mind. All you other single professional women out there should feel the same. Don’t tell me about my biological clock and all that psycho nonsense. I have the best friends and family anyone could ask for, a great career, and a rockstar social life. I’m perfectly happy with that too. When a guy comes along that can deal with that, then we’ll talk.
Peace Out!
In my mail from yesterday was a magazine forwarded from my old address, Working Mother. I started getting these probably about 4 months ago. I found it very odd, but ended up giving them to a coworker that actually was a working mother, and it all worked out well. However, I will need to find a new working mother to give these issues too.
Since I started receiving them, I have been trying to figure out what mailing list I am on that would signify me being a working mother. However, maybe it’s my age with my career, and they assume I’m a working mother? I don’t know, 28 to me is too young to assume someone is a working mother.
Which leads me to again… why does everyone assume I’m married and/or taken???
Odd, just odd.
On my way home from work today, I stopped into the gym to claim my company paid for gym membership (yay). It was a very good experience, and the two gyms I have checked out so far (one close to the office and one near my house) they look very clean and professional and have lots of equipment and offer great classes as well.
As I am signing up, I hear a familiar question:
“And will your spouse be signing up as well?”
My response?
“Nope. I got none of those.”
For some reason, ever since moving here (or maybe it’s just noticed because of the insane amount of things I have to fill out) I have repeatedly been asked for my spouse’s information when filling out forms and signing up for things. It didn’t quite hit me until today. I have now come down to a couple conclusions. Either (a) I look like I am or should be married or (b) everyone in Phoenix is taken so it is assumed that I am no exception.
I don’t know if this is a good or a bad thing. It could also be neither good nor bad, and maybe it’s just a standard question you learn to ask when you live in this area? Maybe it’s a western thing. Who knows. But realizing it has happened every single time has definitely made me curious in finding out.
